Saturday, July 25, 2009

My Confused Letter


Dear Girl Who Asked Me to Move at the Head Automatica Show Last Night,

First, let me start off by saying this is not going to be an angry letter. You were both polite and patient, and did not pull any lame shit whatsoever. You did confuse me, though. Let me explain.

As the show began, and as it continued, the room was only half full. Most of the people were crammed towards the stage, becoming more and more spread out as it got back to the middle of the room. My friends and I were standing in the middle of the room towards the right a bit. I have included an expert diagram.
I spent the entire show in that one spot, and I danced it up. I danced so hard, that I may have hurt myself! My point in saying so is that I was clearly there. I'm a big guy, I'm jumping up and down, flailing, jerking my body all over the place. You saw me. It was known I was there. No secrets.

After roughly an hour of standing in that spot, I decided to run to the mens room to tinkle. I was in that room for approximately one minute. I would dare to argue that I only left my night-long spot for roughly two minutes, tops! After tinklage, I returned to the exact same spot I had left.

3 minutes later, you came up to me. "Excuse me tall dude, but you just stood right in my line of sight, and now I can't see anything." What the shit?

I responded also kindly, indicating I was merely standing next to my friends. I offered that I would move left and you could move right and it would be a compromise. You accepted this.

But seriously, what the shit. I was in that fucking spot all night. I left for two minutes. I come back, and I'm in your line of sight? THERE WERE PRACTICALLY NO PEOPLE BEHIND ME. YOU COULD EASILY MOVE WITHOUT EVEN A SMALL AMOUNT OF INCONVENIENCE. NO PUSHING OR SHOVING REQUIRED. Did you show up in that two minutes that I went to piss and claim the spot directly behind me? Did you not notice the huge guy jumping around in front of you for an hour? I'm so confused.

Let me point out that you were pretty short. I know it must suck to be short and go to shows, what with all the tall people in your way and blocking your view. In fact, this is one reason why I stand in the middle of crowds. My mission at shows is to have the best time possible without ruining anyone else's time there. I dance around, but only in my spot. I don't stand in the front row so I don't block tons of people's views. And yet, even with these concessions, you still decided that after an hour and ten minutes of show, I had stepped on your line of sight.

What the shit.

Signed,
Not mad just fucking confused Todd.

1 comment:

  1. Dude, you're such an asshole for getting in that poor, short girl's way. She drove 12-18 minutes to get to that show. She spent countless hours trying to figure out which t-shirt she owns that says, "I'm not trying that hard." Then you went and urinated (a shameful act that God hates). You came back and got RIGHT IN HER LINE OF SIGHT. You ruined her night. Shame on you, Todd. SHAME. ON. YOU.

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